Blog #6

Can you lie next to her

and give her your heart, your heart?
As well as your body
And can you lie next to her 
and confess your love, your love?
As well as your folly
And can you kneel before this king 
and say "I'm clean", "I'm Clean"?
But tell me now where was my fault, 
in loving you with my whole heart?
Oh, tell me now where was my fault, 
Her white blank page 
and a swelling rage, rage
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink
You desired my attention, but denied my affections, my affections

So tell me now where was my fault, 
in loving you with my whole heart?
Oh, tell me now where was my fault,
Her white blank page 
and a swelling rage, rage
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, to the brink
You desired my attention, but denied my affections, my affections
So tell me now where was my fault, 
in loving you with my whole heart?
Oh, tell me now where was my fault,
So tell me now where was my fault, 
in loving you with my whole heart?
Oh, tell me now where was my fault,
 in loving you with my whole heart?
Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life
oh lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life

in loving you with my whole heart?

this song I think relates a lot to me. my love for Hamlet. all I wanted was to love him. What wrong was I in that?

What drove me to this madness? I’d say it started with my father denying me the right to see Hamlet "as to give words or talk with the lord hamlet. Look to ‘t, I charge you. Come your ways” (1.3. 134-135) and with my brother telling me he’s no good for me “then is he says he loves you, it fits your wisdom so far to believe it”(1.3.24-25) I told them he loved me, “my lord he hath importuned me with love in honorable fashion”(1.3. 110-111) and I thought he did. My mind went back and forth debating if he did or not. Then denying his love for me, Hamlet said “I loved you not” (3.1.121-122) which threw me off so. Everything up to that point that he had told me was a lie! He never loved me.

Then my father died. “And in this brainish apprehension kills the unseen good old man.” (4.1.11-12) Heartbroken was I. what did I have left? The man I loved told me he didn’t love me anymore, and now my father has been killed. My brother was away, so who did I have. Just myself to keep me company. “we must be patient, but I cannot choose but weep, to think they should lay him I’ the’ cold ground.”(4.5.68-69) oft I looked back and remembered my father, always making me sad. I couldn’t think about it. So I sang. I sang many a song, people began to talk about me call me mad. “She’s importunate, indeed distract. Her mood will needs be pitied” (4.5.1-2)

 Was I mad?

My dreams of my own death haunt me. I wish about the things that may happen.  Of Gertrude. Always a wonderful woman. She liked me. She thought hamlet and I should be together. “I hope thou shouldst been my hamlets wife” (5.1.228) she would say. Ahh what a beautiful family we all would make. If we all had stayed alive. But one by one people die.

Oh my sweet hamlet. Always will I love you. I still believe in my heart he loves me. Or at least loved me at one point. I imagine him professing his love for me. Letting it be known to the world that it was indeed true. My father would roll in his grave to hear that…

"I loved Ophelia. Forty thousand brothers / could not with all their quantity of love / Make up my sum. What wilt thou do for her? ” (5.1.247-249).